the good news....

Not dead yet! Tho I thought I was, with the white billowing
clouds in the car after the collision. Now :
My ribs only hurt when I take a deep breath ;
My vision is normalizing ; Neck,shoulders & back only hurt
early morning and after 5;
I can walk.(not injured from the waist-down) and I can walk 20
minutes outside before the pain starts from the waist-up.
My writing and doing arm has to stay braced for another
month, but I can use it a bit while in the brace. It only hurts
now when I use it, or when a storm moves in.

I've had great care and assistance. Healing is Happening!
Thank you all and Thank God.

blame

People like to blame other people and when I was growing
up I was taught to take the blame. If my brothers beat me up,
it was my fault for being in the same room with them, therefore,
I deserved it.

When I was nearly killed in the accident,traumatized out of my
mind, I was muttering about what did I do now to deserve this.
In my child's mind at that point, laying on the road with no one
helping me, I figured I must have done something.

I layed on the road and the people in the other car, uninjured,
sat in their car for 10 -15 minutes figuring an advantage. They
observed me and came up with a story
that mom driving the car had nothing to do with causing the
accident. At the least they could have said to me that the
police and ambulance were coming,but no. Someday they will
pay dearly for their lack of humanity, lack of caring about
anything but themselves rushing back from the beach.
What monstrous people! Nowadays I have time to watch a
lot of TV and am learning what monsters there are out there,
and I am afraid.

I think I would not have been so traumatized if I hadn't been
left alone on the pavement for so long. When the police
officer came, he was like an angel to me. I asked about
the people in the other car and learned then that they were
all right. He asked me a lot of questions and later came
to the hospital. Again, he seemed like an angel. His last
name is Purcell. He was certainly the most considerate
and thoughtful policeman I have ever known.

right and wrong

Last month an irresponsible, reckless woman turned left into
oncoming traffic nearly killing me and she blames me
for her recklessness. I was driving cautiously thru a
green light. I have had incredible pain and suffering
and loss and am still in trauma from it. I have been able to
pick out letters on the computer with one bad hand. There
are people coming to home to help me with therapies and
baths. I take lots of vicodan and manage somehow to get
through each day, with a lot of help. I may have had a concusion,
don't know, but my brain hasn't been working well. Because
of that I asked an attorney to help me. I can hardly keep
track of anything since my good arm is broken.

The attorney doesn't seem to be able to comprehend my
feeling of responsibility for being at that place at that time
and my stupid belief that at some level we are responsible
for everything that happens to us; but, that does not mean
she is innocent of causing the accident. I am angry that
this happenned to me. I am angry at the attorney who looks
at me like I'm a ghost and appears to not fight for me. Seems he
likes to remain neutral. Bet if I was a male soldier traumatized
in war, he wouldn't remain neutral. He tells me I need to
keep all the records and the outcome of this is up to me!??
Of course, I'm angry and frustrated at everything at this point.

So who fights for the victims who can't fight for themselves?
Where is justice?
Seems our whole society does nothing but blame somebody
else. Whose got the most power to rumor the most blame?
Guilty or innocent. Right or wrong. We try so hard to teach
humans to get out of judging, to get to loving,. It looks
more and more like those who get to love are the first to
go. Perhaps better to stay in judging, accusing and blaming.

The story

Every time this day comes around, I find it
fascinating to think about how God, with all power to create
any form, chose to send a baby who couldn't
save anything for a decade or two. God did not send a man
or a woman, nor a boy or a girl. God sent a
baby in the womb of a woman.
In the picture we see the
key figures in the story are a helpless baby and a woman.
Joseph was in the story as protector ....from what?...other
men and a merciless male society. Joseph wasn't there to
protect from women and babies and children! Wild animals,
maybe.

So why, all you experts, did God cause delay so many years by
sending a baby? Why send a vulnerable, helpless, dependent
creature to "save the world"?
And who doesn't see God or Christ in every newborn
baby?

opening . . .

"There came a time when the risk to
remain tight in the bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin

Our wonderful women

" Over her career, the average working woman loses
1.2 million dollars to wage inequality."

"For full-time working fathers, each child correlates to
2.1% earnings increase . . For working mothers, it's
2.5% loss."

"Women over 65 are nearly twice as likely as men
to be poor."

Sources:motherjones.com/limitedambitions

Act as if . . .

William James teachings to 'act as if' it is true and you will become that
is without a doubt remarkable because it works, even for actors, such
as John Spencer. I would surmise that acting can be a very dangerous profession.
Like the wise words, "watch what you wish for"....we need to "watch what
we act as".

What's Real?

While the cloth Rabbit and the stuffed horse were lying

on the bedroom floor, the Rabbit asked, "What is REAL?

Does it mean having a stickout handle and things inside

of you that go around?"

    "REAL isn't how you are made," said the Horse.  "It's

a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a

long time--not just to play with, but really, REALLY

loves you, then you become real."

    "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

    "Sometimes," said the Horse, "but when you are real,

you don't mind being hurt."

     "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?"

     "No, said the Horse. "You become real over a long

time so it doesn't often happen to those who break easily,

have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept.  Generally

by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved

off, your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints

and very shabby. But these things don't matter when

you are real."

                        Adaption from The Velveteen Rabbit

Tibetan saying. . .

"Our journey through life is like
honey on a razor's edge"

a thought from the Gita

"Thinking about sense objects

Will attach you to sense-objects;

Grow attached, and you become addicted;

Thwart your addiction, it turns to anger;

Be angry, and you confuse your mind;

Confuse your mind, you forget the lesson

  of experience;

Forget experience, you lose discrimination;

Lose discrimination, and you miss life's purpose."

                           The Song of God

                            Bhagavad-Gita    

another boiled frog

I can't help but think what Dee Hock is saying (see below) is another
example of the "boiled frog syndrome" i.e. there was a
turning point, but repeatedly we pass that point without notice.

see August archive for more on "boiled frog syndrome".

widespread failures . .

Question to Dee Hock. . . I don't see any widespread institutional failure. Command-and-control organizations

seem as firmly in control as ever. Am I missing something? His answer, "No. When we talk about "failure", we

don't only mean failure in the sense of collapse, such as the Soviet Union or corporate bankruptcy. That kind

of failure usually makes the headlines. Rather, we are just as concerned about failure in its more common and

pernicious form--institutions increasingly unable to achieve the purpose for which they are created, yet

continuing to expand as they devour our resources, demean the human spirit and destroy the environment.

The symptoms of institutional failure are all around us: schools that can't teach, corporations that can't

cooperate or compete--only consolidate, unhealthy health-care systems, communities in which people can't

communicate, welfare systems in which few fare well, judicial systems without justice, governance that can't

govern, and economies that can't economize."

 

see my blog archive-October for info about Dee Hock

yogi tea quote

"Oneness is achieved by recognizing your Self."

Good Grief!

It's beginning to look like we are importing religious fighting

from Iraq ,instead of exporting democracy to them.

 

Ends and Means

The ends cannot justify the means 

for the simple and obvious reason

that the means employed determine

the nature of the ends produced.

                    Aldous Huxley

 

It's been my experience that really intelligent

people know this, no matter what field

 they work in.

The challenge

    Loving those who are loveable . . anybody can do that . . easy.

 

    Those who are hard to love are the challenge.  They need our love

 

         the most.

 

a spiritual guide . . .

" . . . a spiritual guide worth her salt will conduct a ruthless campaign
against ALL forms of delusion arising out of spiritual ambition and
self-complacency which aim to establish the ego in spiritual glory."
Thomas Merton

When we look at our prayers, are we truly asking for God's will or are
we telling God what we want and our expectations? Does our ego
take nice words and ask God to make me that way, say, to make
me a helper of others.....to glorify myself ?; or;do we always end,
'if it be thy will' or; ' if I am truly ready to be a helper as an instrument of
thy will and not of my will.'

Any time we tell others , how they ought to act, or how they ought to
talk, or how they ought to think, we are coming from ego...King ego,
or Queen ego in charge....not God. And its destructive, unless we can
humbly acknowledge that the message is from God thru us.

Now, how does that fit with politics and government?....more later.

God help us surrender

Christmas is that time of year

for a kind of knowing,

Our hopes and fears are one.

 

God, help us surrender

our hopes to joy,

and our fears to peace.

 

 

When you are the light. . . .

"What is meant by light?  To gaze with undimmed eyes

on all darkness."

                                      N.  Kazantzakis